


In Roger's Office

by gimme_that_pen_back



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU no death note, Everybody Lives, Implied Sexual Content, Kinda Crack, L ships Meronia, M/M, Roger is a grumpy english man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gimme_that_pen_back/pseuds/gimme_that_pen_back
Summary: Roger is tired of Mello and Near's rivalry and decides to make them apologise to each other. It simultaneously goes much better and much worse then Roger could have possibly expected.
Relationships: Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River
Comments: 7
Kudos: 77





	In Roger's Office

Roger was sick of this. It was always just one thing after another. This must have been the fifth time those damn teenagers ended up in his office this month alone.

The situation at hand was all too familiar. Near had done better than Mello on a test yet again, prompting a series of comments intended to provoke Mello. In response, Mello had destroyed one of Near’s toys, which he insists was an “accident”. 

L had personally given Roger the futile task of getting the two to get along, but he was running out of ideas and patience.

Finally, sitting at his desk in front of these two teenagers scowling at each other, Roger said, “Okay. That’s it. You are going to look each other in the eyes, apologise, and tell each other why you keep acting out against each other.”

Standing with his arms crossed, Mello's eyes widened as he snapped, “That is the worst idea ever! I am not apologising to this brat.”

“I have nothing to apologise for,” Near said more delicately, sitting on the floor nursing his broken toy. He then accusatorily added, “ _I_ didn’t break anything.”

“Enough!” Roger practically screamed. “You are both too smart to act this way towards each other. I want some honest communication. _Now_.”

There was several seconds of silence, before Roger said. “Okay, Mello, you first.”

“No.” Mello said blankly.

Roger closed his eyes and groaned. These kids were going to be the death of him. “Mello please I’m so tired.”

After a few more seconds, Roger almost gave up to a predictable defeat, until Mello unexpectedly said, “Fine…”

Roger widened his eyes, oh good lord, he couldn’t believe it. Was this finally going to be it? Was he finally going to end the rivalry that had plagued Wammy’s House for over a decade now?

Mello roughly grabbed Near’s hand that was twirling on a bunch of hairs to force him to stand up. He looked him in the eyes and said, “Near, I’m so sorry you’re such a fucking moro-”

“Nope. Start again.” Roger said.

Mello growled and started again, “Near, I’m sorry you’re an obnoxious-”

“Nope,” Roger repeated.

Mello grew even angrier, looking to the corner of the room to more calmly say, “I’m sorry...”

“I said look at him,” Roger said.

Mello, let out a long sigh to calm himself down and looked him in the eyes again, putting hands on his shoulders. “Near, I’m sorry that I’ve been such a dick to you. And I’m sorry I destroyed your toys.” He pulled away from Near to look back at Roger, “Is that better?”

Roger couldn’t believe this was actually working. He _actually_ got Mello to apologise. He decided to cautiously test his luck further, “Now tell Near why you acted out against him.”

Mello threw back his head in frustration but turned back to Near and said, “Near, I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know why I act this way, I guess I’m just insecure… You represent everything I wish I was. I guess I just hate that you’re better than me at everything. You’re just so smart, and so agreeable, and so unbothered by everything. I just wish I could be more like you.”

Near blushed at the compliment and shyly said, “That’s very silly of Mello. Mello is a very wonderful person. I wish I was more like Mello.”

There was a brief flutter of a smile on Mello's face and he bashfully looked away from Near, "Thanks, I guess..."

Roger thought he was about to pass out. He couldn’t believe how well this was going. L was never going to believe it. He had been in L’s bad graces ever since he told L that handcuffing the two teenagers together would be ‘child cruelty’ and ‘probably illegal’. This was going to get him so many points in the right direction to putting him back in L’s favour.

“Okay, thank you very much Mello. Now Near, you go.” Roger instructed.

Near nervously met Mello’s eyeline to say, “I apologise profusely for making you feel inadequate.”

“And…?” Roger said trying to get him to go on.

Near went bright red and looked between Roger and Mello like a deer caught in headlights, “I do not believe I should say why I act the way I do regarding Mello.”

Mello’s eyes widened in complete outrage, “What!? Are you fucking kidding me? Roger, that’s not fucking fair!”

Roger sighed, maybe he was being too optimistic too soon. “Near, come on. Mello told you the truth and it was very vulnerable for him. It’s only fair you do the same.”

Near, with his blush made ever more visible by how pale he usually was, looked back and forth between Mello and Roger again. “I do not think Roger will appreciate what I have to say on this matter.”

Roger pushed, “I asked you to tell the truth. Mello did and now it’s your turn.”

Near, without making eye contact, which Roger decided to pretend he didn’t notice this time, began “I only provoke Mello because…”

Near paused and his eyes switched between them one last time, “Roger, Near really doesn’t think-”

“Go on, Near,” Roger pushed, too exhausted for more resistance.

Near then without any expression on his face, a blank look in his eyes and an entirely neutral expression said, “I want Mello to put his mouth on every inch of my body.”

Mello’s eyes widened and Roger involuntarily shrieked “What!?”

“N-N-Near, I didn’t mean-” Roger started, but cut off his words not sure how to respond.

Mello with wide eyes put both hands over his mouth as he tried to avoid bursting into hysterical laughter.

Near continued to display a blank expression, only the blush betraying his embarrassment, looking between Mello and Roger again. Unsure on how to read their expressions, Near supplied, “I’m sorry, was I not clear enough? What I meant by that is that I have a crush on Mello and want to have sex with him.”

Mello was trying so hard to suppress his laughter he was about to keel over.

“Yes, Near, thank you, I think we got that,” Roger managed to get out in a high pitched voice. Roger thought he was about to have a heart attack and must have looked paralysed.

No longer needing any guidance, Mello turned to Near of his own accord and asked, “Wait are you being serious, Near?”

“I am being serious, Mello. You must know I do not joke,” Near simply replied.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mello asked half-laughing still, bringing a hand to Near’s cheek.

“I didn’t think it would be helpful.” Near replied, trying to suppress any reaction to the soft contact Mello's hand was making to his face.

“Of course it is! We could have saved so much time,” Mello said exasperated, looking Near up and down suggestively as the thumb on Near’s cheek trailed down to his lower lip.

Roger let out an “Oh god” and put a hand over his face, hoping to god they weren’t going to start snogging right there in his office.

“Wanna get out of here so I can… how did you put it?... ‘put my mouth on every inch of your body’?” Mello asked, standing closer to Near.

Roger by now was just repeating, “No, no, no, no, no, no” as he let his head fall against the desk.

Near nodded quickly, “Yes please very much please thank you yes please.”

Roger brought his head up in a vain attempt to protest, “This is an orphanage, you will do no such thing in these walls!”

“Let’s go, cutie”, Mello said, not listening at all to Roger, putting an arm around Near's waist.

Walking out, Mello shouted to Roger over his shoulder, “Oh, and thanks for your advice, Roger. It was really helpful.”

Roger stood up to shout after them, “I did not inspire this!”

Mello and Near opened the door to leave the room, and the last thing Roger heard before the door shut was Mello whispering in Near’s ear “So, where do you want me to lick you first?”

Roger with a white face stared at the wall and questioned why god was doing this to him.

It didn’t help Roger that when L found out, he was not only _not_ upset with them, but he was ecstatic. He sent Mello an envelope of cash for a lifetime supply of condoms and lubricant, accompanied by a note saying, ‘Safety first :)))) – L’

On the bright side, L now had two successors, Roger was back in L's good graces, and Near and Mello began dating instead of fighting.

On the downside, night-time checks had to be tripled for the rest of Near and Mello's time at the orphanage and they ended up in Roger’s office another five times every month for very, very different reasons than before. Every time Near and Mello ended up back in his office with messed up hair and dishevelled clothes, Roger began to wonder if it was worth it…

**Author's Note:**

> The quarantine has made me start shipping these so here's my first fic god help me. Kudos and comments will be very appreciated if you wanna.


End file.
